my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
