Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I'm too high and old for this...
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
