This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
