Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
