i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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