can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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