I'm jealous of your bromance
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
