rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
