He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
