i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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