Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
