I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
We need a shit load of segways right now
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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