I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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