Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
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