Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Randomize
