Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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