oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
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