i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
