He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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