I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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