Four minutes until I can fart!
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
where are you?
Hypothermia
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
