Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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