dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
