my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
