I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
