you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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