Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 608 share tweet
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
