I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
