Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Randomize
