Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Randomize
