i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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