On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
