i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Randomize
