i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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