peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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