Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
