3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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