So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
