Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
