3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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