i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
