My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
