Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
