she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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