At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
