mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
