Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
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