On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
