Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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