My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I still have a little drunk in my system
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
