You're earring is so big in my mouth
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
